Clever Facebook Status Quotes

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I decided to cancel my Twitter account. I dont want to sound paranoid, but Im pretty sure people are following me.
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status]

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I really like ceilings...I guess you could call me a Ceiling fan.
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status]

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Ladies, easy way to tell if a guy is married? Look into his eyes, if there is any life left, he's single.
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status]

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That awkward moment When you're having a conversation telling a really awesome story and then u realize no one's listening to u so u kinda stop mid-sentence
[Unknown] [Conversation] [Clever Facebook Status]

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If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go f*ck itself.
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status]

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That awkward moment when your gone for 2 weeks and expect to have like a ZILLION notifications but you end up only having like, 3.
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status]

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Am I on facebook because I'm bored, or am bored because I'm on facebook?
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status] [Witty Facebook Status]

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I was planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday.
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status] [Bad Day]

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Are you free tomorrow? No, Im fucking expensive.
[Unknown] [Funny Facebook Status] [Clever Facebook Status]

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'Are you as bored as I am?' Makes sense even when you read it backwards...
[Unknown] [Funny Facebook Status] [Clever Facebook Status]

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Face your problems don't Facebook your problems.
[Unknown] [Funny Facebook Status] [Clever Facebook Status]

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Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
[Funny] [Unknown] [Food] [Funny Facebook Status] [Clever Facebook Status] [Prostitution]

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If Facebook ever shuts down. You'll see people roaming the streets shoving pictures in others faces screaming 'Do you like this!?!?!.. DO YOU!?!?!'
[Unknown] [Funny Facebook Status] [Clever Facebook Status]

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The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status] [Clever Facebook Statuses] [Witty Facebook Status]

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Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status]

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Oxymoron: When an astronaut feels under the weather.
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status]

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Does anyone have that light switch in their house that they really don't know what it goes to...
[Unknown] [Funny Facebook Status] [Clever Facebook Status]

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The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.
[Funny] [Unknown] [Funny Facebook Status] [Clever Facebook Status]

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Im a humble person, really. Im actually much greater than I think I am.
[Unknown] [Clever Facebook Status] [Clever Facebook Statuses]